Friday, February 28, 2014

You Don't Have to read It, But I, Apparently, Had to Write It.

Wow!  Is this any way to run a blog?  Brag about your blogiversary and then disappear for the rest of the month?  Even though it's a short month, I mean come on!

For some reason,  it's been a mediocre month at best.  I've got to admit to being in kind of a slump the last few weeks.  I think it started with the two weeks everyone was sick.  That takes a lot out of a girl, and there seemed to be something depressing about this cold, anyway.  It made us all out of sorts and super cranky, as well as, you know, sick.  And just like my ear still hurts and feels a little like there's liquid in it-- gross, right?-- I still feel kind of cranky and out of sorts.  I feel bad about that, because really, it's been weeks, what's my problem? And then I feel worse, like all I need is to buck the hell up and stop being such a drag on the program.  Then all I want to do is sleep.  

We did enjoy our anniversary on Valentine's Day.  My son Justin took the girls out and we recreated our first date by getting a pizza and eating it from the coffee table while making wisecracks about what was on TV.  Yeah, we're a crazy couple, just try to keep up with us!  

But a couple of days later, I was right back to blah.  I've been waiting until I felt better to write, but since that hasn't actually happened, I decided to write anyway, and see if that helped.  In addition to feeling cranky, I've been feeling poor, and fat, and feeling those things makes me feel like I must be stupid, because those are thing you can fix, right?  But I haven't, so it must be me.  Perhaps you can now clearly picture me wallowing in self-doubt and self-pity the way pigs wallow in mud.  But I think pigs are happy when they wallow, and at best, I am just "meh."

With a new month on the horizon, I'm going to try to get on the other side of this.  I know it's up to me to do it.  And without digressing too much, I have to say that I find taking responsibility for the direction of one's life to be the central problem (though also, the central joy) of being an adult.  That's it right there, isn't it? When you know that you are responsible for all the choices you've made, and that all the choices you've made have brought you to your present state, sometimes you're proud of yourself, and feel lucky and smart. And sometimes, you just feel "meh."

Goodbye February 2014, it's been a slice. 

Image is from here. I should have read the article, and maybe I will soon, but for now, all I've done is borrow the image.

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